I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
