My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.