Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty