i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.