Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
