The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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