There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
