I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
