I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
