Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
