I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
