My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
