What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
