I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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