She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
