Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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