THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
