Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
