im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
