Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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