Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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