do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
