It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
