sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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