are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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