ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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