Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
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