OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
