i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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