There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
