I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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