Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
