You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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