I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
