I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Mom said you looked used
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
