He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
