not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
