I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
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i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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