Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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