the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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