just tell him i said nine months
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
