Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
