I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
