You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
