life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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