He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
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don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
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Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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