I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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