You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize