Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
