I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
