I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
