i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
