My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
