its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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