dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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