im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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