every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
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I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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