Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
