i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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