$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
