you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
drinking out of a sandbucket again
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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