You're my little dorito
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
