Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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