he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
