I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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