I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
