You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
