I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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