i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
