whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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