I can text with my tongue
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
