I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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