I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
