You can't special order awesome
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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