Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize