Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
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It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
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Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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