Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
