Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
