She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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