Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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