All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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